Being a ‘good enough’ parent…

A parent needs to be ‘good enough’at offering the love, care and attention to meet the needs of their child. Understanding their stage of development is important. Having fun, giving opportunities and embracing other family members and friends, to help raise a child, creates great pleasure and feels less like hard work.

I love this blog, except for the reference to the Almighty which is personal choice.

~ ~ ~ There is no such a thing as perfect parenthood Who is the paragon of father or mother Claim to have a one size fits all formula Children are unique and special Have different talents but same potential Minds like sponges, soak in as much as available A secure environment and loving care […]

via Parenting — The Shower of Blessings

Teach children to deep breathe to calm worries

As promised, here is a post on helping your child learn deep breathing techniques or belly breathing. Deep breathing is a quick trick to help alleviate anxiety and calm worries. When teaching a child this technique, there are 2 different ways I approach it, depending on the child’s age, developmental level, and comfort. Most children are […]

via Deep Breathing for Children — Dayna Sykes, LPC-S, MHSP

Reduce anxiety by deep breathing

One of the most common tools I teach teens and adult clients is belly breathing. It is one of the most successful tools when treating anxiety and fear. This trick can calm you down quickly and can be used ANYWHERE, which is what I love about it. Belly breathing is also known as deep breathing. […]

via Belly Breathing — Dayna Sykes, LPC-S, MHSP

Why Losing Control Can Make You Happier – Mindful

imageWork on lessening your need to seek control over others via Why Losing Control Can Make You Happier – Mindful

This explains a lot of the power balance when trying to manage teenagers!

As a parent I continue to work on stepping back a little…

Set boundaries, but keep communication open and encourage negociation and discussion. LOL!

Baby days

imageThose early days with a new baby are bliss and torture rolled into one.

You are ecstatic that baby has arrived, hopefully without too much drama and snuggling with baby is soothing and comforting.

However…it is demanding and takes some adjustment!

There are small steps that you can take each day, to keep you focused on this unique stage of life and encourage you to engage with the wonder, as well as knowing there is a bigger picture.

Sleep. The physical demands on your body include recovering from pregancy and the birth. This requires rest and good quality sleep. A change in sleep pattern usually occurs in these early weeks, just when you need it most! Sleeping when you can is a necessity. Sleep in, ideally your partner may bring you an early morning drink or the baby if they need feeding and you can snuggle. Rest and snooze when you can.

Help.Take up all offers of help, not just to hold the baby but any everyday tasks. Offers of  drinks, cooked meals or to hang up your ongoing supply of washing are all good. Don’t let guests sit and you run around offering drinks, let them do anything they can offer, while you conserve energy. You’ll need it later on.

Baby and you. Time for you and baby to get to know each other, with partner when available, takes time and focus. Observe their behaviours and learn what it means. The more you understand about how your baby communicates the more amazed and attached you will feel, so try http//getting to know your baby.  This knowledge builds your relationship with baby and can only be a bonus.

Support. You may have lots of visitors but don’t let them overwhelm you. A couple of close family members to support you as a new family can be very beneficial in the early weeks. Your partner can help manage and encourage people to give you space, as needed, to adapt to this new lifestyle and rest. Often after this initial period mum and baby are alone for long periods so other family members and friendships become more important and can help support weekly activities.

Habits.Finding some kind of pattern to your new days and nights can be a challenge due to an overall lack of quality sleep and the intensity of a small persons demands.Getting out and about each day can give a focus to each day and improve your mood and sense of well-being.

Anxiety and depression can become an issue in the early weeks, months and even at some point in the first year. This is a normal reaction as you adapt to this new lifestyle. Try not to ignore it as the sooner you seek help the sooner feelings can start to be addressed and improve. Share these feeling with friends, family and if not improving seek support from your Health visitor or Gp.

Some people struggle more with this adaption, partly due to the current situation they are in, isolation, previous concerns,  or relationship challenges. With time to over think and ruminate, despite the physical challenges of caring for a baby, the feelings can become overwhelming. Initially cut yourself some slack whilst you get used to this new way of life. If time is going on and you are struggling with your thoughts and feelings, then seek help.

Hypnotherapy can give you skills to manage these feelings whilst you adapt to parenthood.

Sessions which help a more positive focus inwards, give some much needed “me” time,  and a space to be able to acknowledge feelings which are normal.  An exploration of where you are and what needs to change can be a huge boost. Hypnotherapy enables you to access resources via your subconscious mind,  which gives you tools you can use in everyday life.  This gives a sense of control over negative feelings and improves mood. Many clients benefit from a sense of relaxation during sessions and this also boosts well-being.

Uni visits

It’s pouring rain and we are wandering around the Uni buildings –

reception, sign in & general info, drink to acclimatise and funding!!

the student union, lecture theatre, accommodation & library.

3 hours later & all done?

Inspiration and a direction/focus identified?!?  

uni-sign

A troubling, anxiety ridden time for lack lustre teenager & parent/s.                                    

Your teenager is growing up rapidly and looking for their direction in life, wanting independance but also at times lacking confidence and feeling unsure about all the decisions to be made.

As a parent it can be very tricky supporting and guiding during this period, without seeming to be over controlling and exasperated.

Mood and motivation are big challenges –

Anxiety and depression can be a common feature of this stage of life and accessing appropriate help can be tricky. Where can a teenager express their feelings without being judged?

Often some simple changes can be made to help them achieve their dreams?

Exploring  and finding some small steps to take, with a hypnotherapist, can start that process.

Looking at what strengths and skills the young adult has and accessing internal resources to build on what we as parents know they have within, can give them confidence to make more positive choices.

Some small changes can make a big shift, change the trajectory and find the right outcome.

Teenage tantrums

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Can you remember when life was all cute and cuddly!!

This seems like a long time ago now…………..it was a different more hands on and a physically demanding phase of life, but it was comforting and cosy.

Others warned of the challenges of teenagers – but nothing really prepare you!

They grunt

They withdraw into their rooms

They take everything as a criticism

Nothing is done around the house without a huff and a puff

They want money all the time

They want lifts to lots of different places – hopefully

or maybe they are constantly on a gadget!!

They are messy

Unreasonable

….and yet quite needy!!

Frustrating to say the least.

What about homework, peer groups, motivation, boy/girlfriends, alcohol, body image, sexting, drugs, sex, music (not rock ‘n roll), grooming – at least 2 types, choices, independance, parties, curfews,  part time jobs, a career? future, Uni?, study, health, safety, freedom, bullying, social media, wifi, kindness, money, driving, family relationships and responsibilities…

I’m sure there are lots of things I’ve missed. It’s endless and draining and emotional, and at times tedious and confusing, as a parent……………let alone the young person!!

Anxiety is a big concern around this period, for the teenager who is negociating their growth and exposure to new concepts both emotionally and psychologically, let alone the physical and hormonal challenges. This brings insecurity, social anxiety and risk taking behaviours possibly all at once! It can also be tricky to negociate for the parents, with a return to sleepless nights, but for a whole range of reasons.

It will all be worth it, I keep hoping…….. but all seems a bit thankless at times. 

This is all preparation for when the stroppers step away from their home base and become their own person. Your job will be done! The input that has taken years of your energies will be either embraced or rejected and you can no longer easily influence.

Every phase of parenthood has its challenges and some parents will deal with certain phases better than others. Teenagers can cause you to feel rejected, powerless and stressed as you try to support their challanges.

Remind yourself this is a necessary seperation and rejection of your values, ideas and beliefs for them to be able to grow up into independant people.

As a parent apart from supporting them and trying to keep in communication with them to guide them as needed and certainly when it is asked for….

To keep yourself positive you need :-

  – support from your partner, friends or close family member – an empathetic person who can hear you, but not judge you when you need to unload!

– time for yourself, to develop your own interests and remind yourself of your strengths and abilities

seek out information and resources that can guide you and give you strategies to make the teenage years as smooth running as possible

– friendship with others with teenagers so you can swap tips or ideas or just giggle and let off steam at the ridiculousness of some of the challenges

– focus on your own goals and direction for when you will have more time available for career moves or new skills

-time out for you, to relax and be able to face the challenges

space to explore how you feel about the uncertainty of the future and what the opportunities are!

Not everyone has the right contacts to meet their needs and keep you positive. Or you lack direction, feel overwhelmed or isolated?

Meditaion and Self hypnosis can be transforming tools to help self manage these feelings for both the teenager and the adult. Talking to a Integrated Hypnotherapist can help you identify what needs to change and how to use these resources so you can move forward.

Some time for relaxation and refocus is a start!